The Misadventures of Nienna and Finder
by fantasyfinder06
Summary: what happens when two girls on a sugar high and a mission go over to ireland? HPLOTRAF
1. Introduction to Madness

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, LOTR, or Artemis Fowl. Neither does my close friend Nienna Sherwood.

**Author's Note:** I just thought of the idea last night. Nienna Sherwood will be known by me as "Sherwood" and I will be known as "Finder" otherwise she will be known as "Nienna" by we authoresses.

The Golden Trio were holidaying in Ireland, thanks to the Boy Wonder himself. (We all know he's filthy rich. Why deny it?) They had seen all the sights, kissed the Blarney Stone, seen all the architecture, and eaten all the original Irish food. Hermione was absorbing herself in the history and facts while Harry and Ron were researching Quidditch. Ah, yes, it would be promising.

"We are FINALLY here!" exclaimed Nienna, lugging her ginormous bag of clothes and notebooks.

"I hear ya," said a disgruntled Finder as she carried three equally ginormous bags full of clothes, make-up, notebooks, CDs and books. She dropped her bags and screamed at the top of her voice.

"YO! CAN A GIRL GET A LITTLE SERVICE AROUND HERE, YA LAZY SLOBS!"

Nienna sighed. She knew she should've knocked her out.

"Finder, chill. Just _kindly_ ask for, oh, gee, I don't know, a trolley, maybe?"

Finder scowled deeply. Then, just to be a prat...

"Nope. I will NOT get a trolley. I will lug this myself, no thanks to ANYONE IN THE AIR-O-PORT!" she said. Nienna rolled her eyes. It was going to be a long vacation.

"Artemis, this won't work," said Holly, leaning on his desk. Artemis pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Holly, yes it will, I've told you this. Now all I need to do is press enter and-"

"Artemis, no, it will not. If you press that button the data will be lost and-"

Artemis pressed enter. As usual, Artemis's theory was correct and the data was NOT lost and his plot was NOT ruined. He looked at Holly, a smug look on his face.

"Don't EVEN say a word, Artemis. Not a single word," Holly warned. Artemis shrugged. Butler smiled at his friends, constantly bickering. Ah, the perks of being a Fowl body guard...

"I DON'T WANNA GO!" shrieked Frodo. Elrond sighed and massaged his temples.

"Frodo, you've been bored recently. You and the Fellowship have been bored. You need something to _do_. So you all are going to Ireland on Earth! WON'T THAT BE FUN!" he asked with forced enthusiasm. Frodo began sobbing. He didn't want to leave the Shire again. Oh well, Elrond clapped his fingers and the eight members were gone. He left for Arwen's room to try on the pretty dresses.

"I hate this food," complained Finder, poking at he freakish ham and noodles. Nienna sighed.

"You haven't even tried it," she pleaded. Finder pushed the food away from her.

"I wonder if they serve pizza," she mumbled. Nienna rolled her eyes when Finder leaned toward her.

"Ya know, Sherwood, we could have a _whole_ lot o' fun here."

"You mean give Ireland a little taste of havoc?" asked Nienna in a hushed voice, suddenly understanding. Finder grinned and nodded, extracting what looked like floor plans. Nienna rubbed her hands together.

"Now we're in business," she exclaimed. Finder nodded and smoothed out her "floor plans."

"Harry, did you know that St. Patrick wasn't even Irish?" asked Hermione. Ron rolled his eyes.

"Hermione, we don't care," he said for the zillionth time that day. Hermione glared at him.

"Harry cares, don't you, Harry?" said Hermione. Harry shook his head.

"Nope."

Hermione scowled.

"Well, I find it all very interesting," she said indignantly.

Artemis stared at the computer screen, reading his e-mail.

_And, Arty, remember to have Butler check the system. We don't want intruders while we're gone. Oh, and your father and I will be in Naples for another two weeks. Be safe!_

_With love,_

_Mom. _

Artemis sighed. He hated when his mother signed her e-mails "Mom." he never called her that. It sounded so infantile. As much as her cared for his mother, she needed to accept him for who he was. A prodigy. Artemis smiled at the thought.

"Pompous, are we?" said the voice of Holly. Artemis sighed. He did say "whenever you wish to visit" didn't he.

"Holly, what is it? I'm very busy."

"You are not. You're reading e-mail from your mother."

"What is it?" demanded Artemis. Holly made herself comfortable on a lounge chair.

"Your data got lost, like I said it would," she explained, popping a grape in her mouth. Artemis grinned at her.

"Very funny. Now why are you really here?"

"To laugh in your face when you realize I'm not kidding."

Artemis's jaw dropped.

"Yeah, like that." Holly started laughing.

"It can't be! How!"

"I'm not exactly sure, but I think it has to do with interception. I had Foaly try and trace it, but he couldn't. It was destroyed. Bummer, huh?" said Holly through a mouthful of grapes.

"Are you going to a convention or something?" asked someone from a nearby car.

"Excuse me?" said Arogorn.

"A convention. You know, for Lord of the Rings. You look just like that guy. Arogorn, you know," said the person.

"I am Arogorn."

The person laughed and drove away.

"That wasn't funny," commented Legolas. Arogorn scowled.

"No. Really it wasn't," he agreed. The eight walked along the highway, taking in all of the new technology.

"TERRORISTS!" shouted a random person.

"Huh?" said Pippin intelligently. The eight were tackled to the ground by random people.

**A/N:** Chapter one is sadly done. But now reviews are available! YAY! It will be great! oh, and we won't update, so you will not know what Finder and Nienna's plan is. That would suck.

REVIEW!


	2. Things Get Chaotic

**A/N:** Nienna wrote this one, guys.

**Disclaimer:** We no own. Got it?

Pippin stared at the landscape flying by him. He and the rest of the gang were on tandem bicicles, taking in the Irish scenery.

"Aragorn, are you sure we're in Ireland?" Pippin asked.

Aragorn stared at him, "Of course I'm sure, why would you even ask?"

"Because it doesn't look very green. And I'm pretty sure that I just saw a snake," Pippin replied.

Gandalf and Gimli were about to pass by them.

"That was a curved stick," Gimli informed Pippin.

"And nothing's green because it's 3am and there's no sunlight to show anything green," Gandalf mentioned.

"Oh. Why are we taking a scenic ride at 3am again?" Pippin asked, thoroughly lost.

"Because that's how the winners do it," Aragorn said jovially.

Pippin shook his head silently. These people were crazy!

Nienna woke up suddenly.

"Finder! Wake up!" she said loudly.

Finder groaned and moaned.

"Too early!" Finder complained.

"It's 3am, let's go!" Nienna said, crossing the room and pulling Finder out of bed.

Pulling on stylish cloaks, Finder and Nienna left their hotel and headed out to explore Ireland.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were being very quiet as they snuck out of the Weasley's tent.

"I really hate camping," Ron complained once they were out of earshot.

"Why? There's all the fresh air and the trees..." Hermione said cheerily.

"You're too cheery for your own good sometimes," Harry said moodily.

The trio walked through the woods in silence for several more moments.

"Hey, what's that?" Harry asked, pointing to the row of moving circles in the distance.

"Windmills," Hermione answered, "They were originally built in 1858 but burned down in-"

"-No, I mean those," Harry said.

"We're about to find out. They're headed this way!" Ron interjected.

And sure enough, the row of circles was directed to them. In the opposite direction, they could hear the voices of two girls, carried through the trees.

"I have this funny feeling like something is about to happen..." Harry said slowly.

For once in his life, Harry Potter was dead right.

REVIEW OR BUST!


	3. Meetings Occur

**Disclaimer:** Evil geniuses? Yes. Thieves? Not so much.

The voices of the girls grew stronger and the trio caught snippets of conversation.

"No... not... plan... Sherwood," said the loud voice of one girl.

"Made...changes...good...Firebolts!" said the voice of another. The trio stood completely still as the row of circles drew nearer.

"Hermione," whispered Ron.

"Yes?"

"Would this be one of those exceptions to the rule of not using magic?" he continued.

"I think so," answered Hermione whipping out her wand and freezing the circles.

"Oi! You in the trees! Show yourself!" called Harry boldly.

"My plan is working, my plan is working, my plan is working!" sang Finder happily. Nienna nodded, grinning maliciously. The row of remote control frisbees she had created worked perfectly. She eased them forward, lightly pushing joystick.

"Uh, Sherwood, you agreed to stop them at the windmills. No! that's not in the plan, Sherwood!" Finder shouted the last part.

"I made changes for the good of the Firebolts we have to steal!" shouted Nienna. Finder growled.

"They froze! They froze them! Aha!!" laughed Nienna happily. All of the sudden, a voice rose from the distance.

"Oi! You in the trees! Show yourself!"

Nienna groaned.

"Crap!" hissed Finder. She drew the hood of her cloak, covering her face. Nienna followed suit.

"Okay, here's the plan. Take the remote control, hide it in your cloak sleeves. I will wave my hand and you guide it to the left. Then, we shall disappear into the night. At least until we get to the windmills. We'll figure it out from there," explained Finder. Nienna nodded.

"Wait. The frisbees are under a freezing spell. A remote control-"

"Electricity cancels out magic, right? So, just follow my lead," hissed Finder. Nienna rolled her eyes, but followed anyway.

Finder strode importantly out of the trees, Nienna followed Finder. The trio was standing there. Finder resisted the urge to gloat in Nienna's face, but she did.

"What are you doing?" demanded Harry.

"Is it honestly your business? No," said Finder. Nienna snickered.

"Why don't you show your faces?" asked Hermione.

"Is it honestly your business? No," said Nienna.

"Are you two responsible for those circles attacking us?" demanded Ron. At that, Nienna lost composure.

"Attack? Un, no. They were merely interested in what _you_ were doing. Why are you out at three in the morning anyway? Hmm?" rambled Nienna. Finder stifled a serious giggle fit. Ron looked a little confused.

"Anyway, we are out on our own accords, as are you. Some people could be suspicious. Like a certain redhead's father maybe? Or his twin brothers? Or even his little sister? Oh, yes Ronald, you come from a... concerned family," said Finder mysteriously.

"How do you know about my family?" asked Ron fearfully.

"Never mind what we know," snapped Nienna. Ron cringed at the harshness of Nienna's words. Finder grinned, not that it was seen in the shadow of her cloak. Finder waved her hand. Nienna was unfortunately not paying attention. Finder tried again. Nada. Finder waved again. Still no response.

"Sherwood!" hissed Finder. Nienna looked at her friend.

"Oh, riiiiggghhht!!! Sorry!" whispered Nienna.

"Most amusing. Do continue," said a pompous voice with an Irish accent. Finder, Nienna, Harry, Ron, and Hermione whipped around to see a slight boy with raven hair and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing an expensive suit and loafers, and had a smug look on his face.

"Artemis Fowl the Second," said Finder crossing her arms. Artemis raised and eyebrow and walked toward the two cloaked teenaged girls.

"Correct, so it seems. And who do I have the pleasure of?" he said disinterestedly. Finder stole a glance at Nienna, who glanced back.

"Kelly," blurted Finder extending her hand. Artemis looked at it, seeing it stylishly gloved. He looked to Nienna.

"Rachel. How do you do?" she said politely. Finder grinned from in her cloak. 4 am and things were going smooth as glass.

"Arogorn, this really isn't working," said Legolas tiredly. All of this peddling was making his hair flat.

"We must win! Lord Elrond told us to enjoy ourselves," stated Arogorn. Frodo sniffed.

"I miss the Shire," he whined. Sam patted his back. Merry stuffed a carrot in his mouth.

"Merry! I was saving that one for me!" cried Pippin.

"Oh, stop whining little Hobbits," growled Gimli. Gandalf hit him on the head with his staff.

"I knew it! You favor the Hobbits, Gandalf!" shrieked Arogorn. Gandalf scowled.

"I do not," he grumbled. The eight (Boromir is dead, guys sorry) came to a scene they weren't expecting. Six humans were congregating in the middle of a meadow with big spinny things.

"Want to go see what this is about?" asked Sam. Frodo sobbed. The Fellowship went anyway!

"Well, it's quite obvious you're tourists," stated Artemis. Finder resisted the urge to punch him.

"Oh?" asked Nienna simply.

"Yes...American, are you?" said Artemis. Finder grumbled an inaudible answer.

"Eastern seaboard, it sounds like. Rural, if I'm not mistaken, which, I doubt I am," said Artemis examining his fingernails. Finder was grateful for the glove covering her hand. Her fingers were ugly.

"Excuse us, won't you?" said Finder grasping Nienna's sleeve.

"Ow! Finder, what?" asked Nienna impatiently.

"I told you, didn't I? I don't know why you ever doubted me! Now the plan will go smoothly, and next time pay attention when I give you a signal!" hissed Finder. Nienna was frowning from inside her hood.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. Finder dismissed it with a wave of her hand.

"Never mind. All we need is to convince Master Fowl here to get us into the house, borrow a couple thousand bucks, steal Harry's Firebolt, get one for you, and the rest of the plan will run like clockwork, trust me," whispered Finder so none of the others would hear her. Nienna nodded.

"And how do you propose we convince Arty boy, here, to let us in his house?" she asked. Finder grinned.

"Leave that to me."

The two girls walked back to the other four.

"You want to know something, Fowl? I have the power to turn you into beetle droppings, so shut your fat mouth!" screamed Harry. Artemis actually looked rather amused.

"Please. Wizards and such? A secret school of witchcraft? I stopped believing in such things at the age of five," he smirked. Finder pounded her forehead while Nienna shook her own.

"Not fighting, are we boys?" asked Finder sweetly. Artemis and Harry looked to the two.

"Fight? Please, I do not associate myself in such childish acts," scoffed Artemis.

"Childish? Me? Fowl, I've experienced more than you ever will, lost more than you ever could. Don't you dare call me childish," growled Harry. Nienna stepped between the two.

"Okay, I see we're having a bit of a disagreement, no need for violence," she said calmly.

"You always spoil everything," mumbled Finder. There was nothing like a good fight, and she would pay to see those two at it. She could tell Nienna was glaring at her. Finder smiled from inside her cloak. This was too easy.

**A/N:** Okay, now I'm begging you with every fiber of my being. Review!!!!


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